Little and big
secrets, hidden,
silence, … not sharing, not honest,
words, stories not spoken,
from shame, for protection, maybe;
Blank spots, missing pieces, broken,
in the telling, retelling, the spaces,
unspoken, of our family’s history…
Carved off areas,
blank spaces,
sometimes casually shared later
as if we knew, … forgetting the secrets,
the silence, the missing words
in real-time, in our living;
Names crossed from address books
pain pushed down, hidden…
Missing memories,
omissions,
scraps of childhood, painful,
undiscussed, unspoken, silent,
in the fog of our history;
Moments casually blurted out
when there was no warning, no memory,
forgetting, … that the secrets were spoken…
=============
Edited August 22, 2024
Family Secrets – Revised – v6
edited September 13, 2018
Family Secrets – Revised – v5
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2018/09/family-secrets-revised-v5.html
https://twitter.com/raymondafoss/status/1040356391414726656
edited November 12, 2017
Family Secrets – Revised – v4
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/family-secrets-revised-v4.html
edited November 12, 2017
behind a mask – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/behind-mask-v2.html
November 11, 2017
behind a mask
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/behind-mask.html
the allegations in the news about
Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore
and a flood of memories and feelings
&
edited November 12, 2017
the smell of the smoke – 2 – v4
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/the-smell-of-smoke-2-v4.html
edited June 6, 2015
the smell of the smoke – 2 – v3
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.in/2015/06/the-smell-of-smoke-2-v3.html
(merging edits to original and version 2)
edited May 29, 2015
the scorch of fire – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-scorch-of-fire-v2.html
edited May 23, 2015
the scorch of the fire
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-scorch-of-fire.html
edited May 22, 2015
the smell of the smoke – 2 – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-smell-of-smoke-2-v2.html
May 21, 2015
the smell of the smoke - 2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-smell-of-smoke.html
May 19, 2015 and May 20, 2015
Focus on the Family
https://twitter.com/FocusFamily
https://www.facebook.com/focusonthefamily
http://www.focusonthefamily.com
radio broadcasts
Helping Your Husband Overcome Childhood Sexual Abuse (Part 1 of 2)
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/helping-your-husband-overcome-childhood-sexual-abuse-pt1
see transcript:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/helping-your-husband-overcome-childhood-sexual-abuse-pt1#transcript
Helping Your Husband Overcome Childhood Sexual Abuse (Part 2 of 2)
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/helping-your-husband-overcome-childhood-sexual-abuse-pt2
With Guests Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe
https://www.facebook.com/gary.roe.79
https://twitter.com/GaryRoeAuthor
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cecil-Murphey/110181285701463
The piece that caught my attention was the statements about God placing hands on the side of the boy’s heart while being sexually abused.
Unlike the story of the fiery furnace in Daniel 3:1-30, where Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had no smell of smoke on them, victims of sexual abuse do have the smell of the smoke of that evil upon them, even as God was with them in the fire.
&
edited November 12, 2017
an unwanted touch – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/an-unwanted-touch-v2.html
August 20, 2014
an unwanted touch
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2014/08/an-unwanted-touch.html
Devozine for August 18, 2014 to August 24, 2014
www.devozine.org
“+sexual struggles”
&
Habakkuk 3:1 (GNT)
devotion: “Sexual Abuse”
national abuse hotline
1-800-656-4673
https://ohl.rainn.org/online/
devotion by Kerri Voegeli
https://www.facebook.com/kerri.voegeli
for August 19, 2014
read August 19, 2014
&
edited November 12, 2017
I can understand their anger – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/i-can-understand-their-anger-v2.html
November 18, 2011
I can understand their anger
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-can-understand-their-anger.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
A box around these memories – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/a-box-around-these-memories-v2.html
November 18, 2011
A box around these memories
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/box-around-these-memories.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
A Walled-off Place – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/a-walled-off-place-v2.html
November 18, 2011
A Walled-off Place
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/walled-off-place.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
Under the Veil of Silence – v3
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/under-veil-of-silence-v3.html
November 18, 2011
Under the Veil of Silence – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/under-veil-of-silence-v2.html
November 18, 2011
Under the Veil of Silence
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/under-veil-of-silence.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
Open the Sealed Records – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/open-sealed-records-v2.html
November 18, 2011
Open the Sealed Records
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/open-sealed-records.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
On that Altar of Football – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/on-that-altar-of-football-v2.html
November 18, 2011
On that Altar of Football
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/on-that-altar-of-football.html
&
November 12, 2017
When we worship false God – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/when-we-worship-false-gods-v2.html
November 18, 2011
We worship false Gods
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-we-worship-false-gods.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
At the trough of their power – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/at-trough-of-their-power-v2.html
November 18, 2011
At the trough of their power
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/at-trough-of-their-power.html
Sandusky sexual abuse scandal
and re-victimizing the children
in hearing his defense and seeing him
on the sidelines of the Penn State football games
over and over again
and the same for all adult victims of sexual abuse
hearing these words and these images
and failure of Penn State to release all documents
regarding the scandal
&
edited November 12, 2017
For me, a stranger – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/for-me-stranger-v2.html
November 18, 2011
For me, a stranger
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/you-me-stranger.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
Family Secrets – Revised – v4
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/family-secrets-revised-v4.html
edited January 10, 2016
Family Secrets – Revised – v3
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2016/01/family-secrets-v3.html
(merging edits to original and version 2)
edited September 2, 2015
Family Secrets – Revised – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/09/family-secrets-revised-v2.html
6/17/2004
Family Secrets - Revised
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2004/07/family-secrets.html
=================
Twitter post by President Trump 9/21/18
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1043126336473055235
“I have no doubt that, if the attack on Dr. Ford was as bad as she says, charges would have been immediately filed with local Law Enforcement Authorities by either her or her loving parents. I ask that she bring those filings forward so that we can learn date, time, and place!”
Reply by me 9/21/18
https://twitter.com/raymondafoss/status/1043225279307632640
“This tweet shows you have no understanding of childhood sexual assault. I was merely touched inappropriately at 13 & it took 25 years to discuss it with loved ones. I don’t know if Dr. Ford’s allegations are true; but delayed reporting is a hallmark of this kind of abuse. #MeToo”
&
separate post 9/21/18
https://twitter.com/raymondafoss/status/1043255724686684160
“@realDonaldTrump tweet shows no understanding of sexual assault. I was merely touched inappropriately at 13. It took 25 years to discuss it with loved ones. I don’t know if Dr. Ford’s allegations are true; but delayed reporting is a hallmark of this abuse. #MeToo #WhyIDidntReport”
===========================
note added September 2, 2015
after Skype conversation with a High School class from North Carolina
I wrote it in 2001 (or 2000), and
edited it in June 2004.
One of the things about the family secrets that led to this poem was a casual statement by mother about 1995, when I was 35 years old, I think it was either Thanksgiving or Christmas, that my father's brother had committed suicide about 6 months after his wife and my grandmother died in 1973. It was sort of surreal how it was stated. I was only 13 at that time in 1973. She just said like all of us had always known that. None of my sisters or brothers had ever heard that before either.
Another aspect was that, in 1976 when I was 16 years old, I was doing genealogy research and I discovered that my paternal grandfather who was born in 1888, had grown up in an orphanage and that he had been adopted as an adult in 1913 by the founder of the orphanage. I asked my father about it (he was 44 at the time) and he was totally surprised by this revelation. As far as I know he never asked his father about that.
Also, in 1973, the same year my
grandmother died, I was touched inappropriately by a stranger on a bike path
between my house and the bottle dump where I liked to go digging. It was over
25 years before I mentioned it to anyone.
All of
my poems, photographs, and videos are copyrighted by Raymond A. Foss, 1999,
2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012,
2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 202 2022, 2023, and 2024. All
rights are reserved. Contact me at Ray Foss (raymondafoss@gmail.com
) for usage. See all 53,000+ of my poems at www.raymondafoss.blogspot.com Poetry Where You Live.
God, Spirit,
Christ, faith, love, child abuse, assault, sex, power, touch, memory, secret,
shame, sexual abuse, Roy Moore, Sandusky, law, children, justice, abuse,
#God #faith #love #grace #childabuse #sexual #assault #sex #power #touch #memory #history #mask #hidden #shame #sexualabuse #RoyMoore #Sandusky #law #PennState #children #justice #abuse #family #grooming #poetry #MeToo #secret #hidden #silence #fear #poem
silence, … not sharing, not honest,
words, stories not spoken,
from shame, for protection, maybe;
Blank spots, missing pieces, broken,
in the telling, retelling, the spaces,
unspoken, of our family’s history…
sometimes casually shared later
as if we knew, … forgetting the secrets,
the silence, the missing words
in real-time, in our living;
Names crossed from address books
pain pushed down, hidden…
scraps of childhood, painful,
undiscussed, unspoken, silent,
in the fog of our history;
Moments casually blurted out
when there was no warning, no memory,
forgetting, … that the secrets were spoken…
Edited August 22, 2024
Family Secrets – Revised – v6
Family Secrets – Revised – v5
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2018/09/family-secrets-revised-v5.html
https://twitter.com/raymondafoss/status/1040356391414726656
edited November 12, 2017
Family Secrets – Revised – v4
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/family-secrets-revised-v4.html
edited November 12, 2017
behind a mask – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/behind-mask-v2.html
November 11, 2017
behind a mask
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/behind-mask.html
the allegations in the news about
Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore
and a flood of memories and feelings
&
edited November 12, 2017
the smell of the smoke – 2 – v4
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/the-smell-of-smoke-2-v4.html
edited June 6, 2015
the smell of the smoke – 2 – v3
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.in/2015/06/the-smell-of-smoke-2-v3.html
(merging edits to original and version 2)
edited May 29, 2015
the scorch of fire – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-scorch-of-fire-v2.html
edited May 23, 2015
the scorch of the fire
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-scorch-of-fire.html
edited May 22, 2015
the smell of the smoke – 2 – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-smell-of-smoke-2-v2.html
May 21, 2015
the smell of the smoke - 2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-smell-of-smoke.html
May 19, 2015 and May 20, 2015
Focus on the Family
https://twitter.com/FocusFamily
https://www.facebook.com/focusonthefamily
http://www.focusonthefamily.com
radio broadcasts
Helping Your Husband Overcome Childhood Sexual Abuse (Part 1 of 2)
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/helping-your-husband-overcome-childhood-sexual-abuse-pt1
see transcript:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/helping-your-husband-overcome-childhood-sexual-abuse-pt1#transcript
Helping Your Husband Overcome Childhood Sexual Abuse (Part 2 of 2)
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/media/daily-broadcast/helping-your-husband-overcome-childhood-sexual-abuse-pt2
With Guests Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe
https://www.facebook.com/gary.roe.79
https://twitter.com/GaryRoeAuthor
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cecil-Murphey/110181285701463
The piece that caught my attention was the statements about God placing hands on the side of the boy’s heart while being sexually abused.
Unlike the story of the fiery furnace in Daniel 3:1-30, where Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had no smell of smoke on them, victims of sexual abuse do have the smell of the smoke of that evil upon them, even as God was with them in the fire.
&
edited November 12, 2017
an unwanted touch – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/an-unwanted-touch-v2.html
August 20, 2014
an unwanted touch
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2014/08/an-unwanted-touch.html
Devozine for August 18, 2014 to August 24, 2014
www.devozine.org
“+sexual struggles”
&
Habakkuk 3:1 (GNT)
devotion: “Sexual Abuse”
national abuse hotline
1-800-656-4673
https://ohl.rainn.org/online/
devotion by Kerri Voegeli
https://www.facebook.com/kerri.voegeli
for August 19, 2014
read August 19, 2014
&
edited November 12, 2017
I can understand their anger – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/i-can-understand-their-anger-v2.html
November 18, 2011
I can understand their anger
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-can-understand-their-anger.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
A box around these memories – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/a-box-around-these-memories-v2.html
November 18, 2011
A box around these memories
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/box-around-these-memories.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
A Walled-off Place – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/a-walled-off-place-v2.html
November 18, 2011
A Walled-off Place
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/walled-off-place.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
Under the Veil of Silence – v3
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/under-veil-of-silence-v3.html
November 18, 2011
Under the Veil of Silence – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/under-veil-of-silence-v2.html
November 18, 2011
Under the Veil of Silence
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/under-veil-of-silence.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
Open the Sealed Records – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/open-sealed-records-v2.html
November 18, 2011
Open the Sealed Records
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/open-sealed-records.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
On that Altar of Football – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/on-that-altar-of-football-v2.html
November 18, 2011
On that Altar of Football
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/on-that-altar-of-football.html
&
November 12, 2017
When we worship false God – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/when-we-worship-false-gods-v2.html
November 18, 2011
We worship false Gods
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-we-worship-false-gods.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
At the trough of their power – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/at-trough-of-their-power-v2.html
November 18, 2011
At the trough of their power
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/at-trough-of-their-power.html
Sandusky sexual abuse scandal
and re-victimizing the children
in hearing his defense and seeing him
on the sidelines of the Penn State football games
over and over again
and the same for all adult victims of sexual abuse
hearing these words and these images
and failure of Penn State to release all documents
regarding the scandal
&
edited November 12, 2017
For me, a stranger – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/for-me-stranger-v2.html
November 18, 2011
For me, a stranger
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2011/11/you-me-stranger.html
&
edited November 12, 2017
Family Secrets – Revised – v4
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2017/11/family-secrets-revised-v4.html
edited January 10, 2016
Family Secrets – Revised – v3
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2016/01/family-secrets-v3.html
(merging edits to original and version 2)
edited September 2, 2015
Family Secrets – Revised – v2
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2015/09/family-secrets-revised-v2.html
6/17/2004
Family Secrets - Revised
http://raymondafoss.blogspot.com/2004/07/family-secrets.html
Twitter post by President Trump 9/21/18
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1043126336473055235
“I have no doubt that, if the attack on Dr. Ford was as bad as she says, charges would have been immediately filed with local Law Enforcement Authorities by either her or her loving parents. I ask that she bring those filings forward so that we can learn date, time, and place!”
Reply by me 9/21/18
https://twitter.com/raymondafoss/status/1043225279307632640
“This tweet shows you have no understanding of childhood sexual assault. I was merely touched inappropriately at 13 & it took 25 years to discuss it with loved ones. I don’t know if Dr. Ford’s allegations are true; but delayed reporting is a hallmark of this kind of abuse. #MeToo”
&
separate post 9/21/18
https://twitter.com/raymondafoss/status/1043255724686684160
“@realDonaldTrump tweet shows no understanding of sexual assault. I was merely touched inappropriately at 13. It took 25 years to discuss it with loved ones. I don’t know if Dr. Ford’s allegations are true; but delayed reporting is a hallmark of this abuse. #MeToo #WhyIDidntReport”
note added September 2, 2015
after Skype conversation with a High School class from North Carolina
One of the things about the family secrets that led to this poem was a casual statement by mother about 1995, when I was 35 years old, I think it was either Thanksgiving or Christmas, that my father's brother had committed suicide about 6 months after his wife and my grandmother died in 1973. It was sort of surreal how it was stated. I was only 13 at that time in 1973. She just said like all of us had always known that. None of my sisters or brothers had ever heard that before either.
Another aspect was that, in 1976 when I was 16 years old, I was doing genealogy research and I discovered that my paternal grandfather who was born in 1888, had grown up in an orphanage and that he had been adopted as an adult in 1913 by the founder of the orphanage. I asked my father about it (he was 44 at the time) and he was totally surprised by this revelation. As far as I know he never asked his father about that.
